Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…. – 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a. (NIV)
God is love. Whoever lives in God lives in love, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the Day of Judgment, because in this world we are like Him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. – 1 John 4: 16b-18 (NIV)
I feel empty, as if in a dark vacuum. I can only hear my sad voice, I can only see my sad face, alone, scared and abandoned.
I feel as though all has lost its meaning, a though all has lost its colors. I can’t remember anything that made me smile, or cheer, or happy. I can only put on a facade, I can only act up a script that my min d had written of who I want people to see me as. The smile that used to be from the folds of my face.
It is as if the pillars that held my house has been removed and it’s all tumbling down- nothing seems special anymore- not even me.
I don’t even have dreams anymore, even my sleep is empty. The world doesn’t move in my direction any more. It feels like I’m watching from a distance. I can only hear the echoes of my on weeping and hurt. I can only remember the hurt that I have faced from the likes of him, making me despise hope and love making me lose that which brightened me up.
I can’t let it out, it’s bringing down my being, its setting me ablaze from inside, I’m afraid I might burn.
I feel regret, hurt, and I blame myself for not controlling how I felt- but it looked so perfect. It felt so perfect now it still looked perfect but away from my grasp.
How could I endure the pain of seeing what I want that looks so perfect away from my reach? I try to even turn my back but I’m still aware of his presence.
THAT IS HER STORY.
I have gotten used to recounting and recalling the memories of my past love affairs. I had this one special lover with whom I explored the passions of youth. He was learned and experienced in the art of telling a woman the right things and how to make her feel good too. He especially spoke in the language of my body and understood the voice of my soul, and he loved to kiss me too.
Initially, I put up resistance against him because I was engaged to another Man but he stole kisses from me most times when I strayed with him in the evenings- what a bride I was. He slowly worked his way into and through my head.
Sad enough, my fiance followed me closely to the places where I met with my lover. Sometimes when He simply asked of my whereabouts, I made up flimsy excuses but we both knew that I had been cheating on Him.
He was so addicted to me that He continued sticking around hoping that I’d take it easy- that was not the first time I cheated but He would always put up with me on that. I never ever had the intentions of cheating each time but I did anyways.
As time progressed I started making out and being intimate with this lover while my fiancé watched- please don’t judge me, my lover was very tempting. I felt terrible and miserable each time while my fiance wept for me and became even more romantic. He stuck with me. He always reminded me that His love was forever even if it hurt Him- after all He had been hung on a tree because of me.
When I understood His Way, His love started to pay off. He taught me to be myself and REST in Him. I learned to hurt Him no more.
THAT IS MY STORY
In her story love hurt her but in my story love hurt Him. He was hurt by the pain of the guilt and shame I went through- this is the LOVE that hurts.
Love can only hurt a woman who has not found her true first love. He is complete loving you.
On the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out saying “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. “He who believes in Me as the Scriptures has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’’ -John 7: 37-38. (nKJV)