Where feet may fail 1

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On the 27th day of January, the LORD impressed it on my heart to delve into the book of Psalms- he was preparing me for something. I was already studying the Bible beginning from the Torah and believe me, I was already mining golds it. The thought of the book of Psalms, was already electrifying to say the least. The Bible says that the entrance (unfolding) of the Word is light and giveth understanding to the simple. I knew that I was someone who most people would describe as plain and easy to understand- not like I wanted to be complicated and mysterious. I was excited about the Word which I had been studying more this year to make me shrewdly prudent in my dealings. Before I go straight into the first treasure I dug out from the book of Psalms.
I would like to say that God does not want us to be simple. A simple man is someone who is open-minded towards people and things. The only thing we should be open-minded about is the Word and the only one we should be open-minded towards, is the Spirit of Christ and He is found in the hearts of believers; never doubt him.

So without further ado, Psalms 1 vs 1:

“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, Nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful”. KJV.

I love to translate the Bible especially when the Strong’s Concordance is handy;

You will be happy if you don’t follow the advice and the prudence of the world, nor become grounded in the approach to life of the guilty (those who have not accepted the love of the Father), nor marry the ideas of the unbelieving, the faithless.

Before I go ahead to summarize this translation of mine, I’d like to say a few things:

The people of the world, have a form of wisdom. They are careful about certain things; if you want to be happy, do not be like them. Be neither careful nor careless, but be carefree;

Those who live in guilt of both the things they did and the ones that they didn’t do, have an approach to life unique to them, one of which is that they try so hard to impress God resulting in constant fear of both the known and unknown. You are already in the love of the Father, so do not stoop so low to be like them;

The unbelieving and the faithless have ideas and logics as sound as they may sound, would live you drained. They work and make based on their senses, the things that the eyes can see and the mind can comprehend, therefore they mock and ridicule you if you act and speak on the impulse of the Spirit. They would make fun of you and tease you, saying that your decisions are silly. Some of them may be in the church, they pray like you do and fast too but would shun you if you ever say that God told you a thing. They’d tell you to prove it. Do not be like that because the just shall live by faith.

Finally dear mutant, you would be happy if you walk in love, stand by faith and sit in the dogged authorities of the heavenly places.

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AN OPEN LETTER TO THE BEST FRIEND I MADE AT UNIVERSITY OF NIGERIA TEACHING HOSPITAL.

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                                                       24/01/2019.

Dear Mr. Bux,

I don’t know if you still like to be called by that name as that was a name you asked me to call you, in those days when you felt really good about yourself- I still have your phone number saved by that name in my cell phone.

Ebuka, I am unsure about how you feel about that nick right now because the mania we both had then, convinced you positively on a lot of things about yourself just like mine told me that I was the most beautiful girl that happened to earth who was never going to taste death. 

Ebuka, I am about to open up some of your sores which you have only managed to wrap up with a scarf: like how you came up with the idea that the earth was a hemisphere contrary to all we have been made to believe, and the number spirituality bullshit that you patiently taught me and I bought. I want to remind you of how you were convinced that Trump has once communicated to you through the tv, and how your boss understood the power of numbers and how I used to call you the Daniel of our time and you’d ‘glo with pride’. I need you to also remember how you thought that you were a force to reckon with that you even had to put your girlfriend now your ex through tests, to prove if she was worthy of the icon you thought you were.

I could go on and on to scour at the wounds that the grandiose of bipolar affective disorder dealt upon your soul. You might be wondering why I am almost counting myself out of this. It is because I am not only healed, the scars are gone too and I don’t want you to get comfortable with your booming sores wrapped neatly with a facade and distracting yourself from the pains of them.

I need you healed and ‘scarless’, Ebuka.

When I thought of writing this letter to you, the first thing that came to my mind was to share with you how my mind got healed and how I have gained a ‘scarless’ soul.

Ebuka, you know that manic depressive disorder is in incurable as the professionals say, and they teach us to manage it by sticking to our medications and doctor’s appointments; yes, that is a fact, an undeniable one.

Medical science have everything to prove that point and I myself, think in that direction, looking at all that has happened to me. If you remember, I once told you that my first bipolar episode was some eight years ago. The doctor told me all the ‘never miss your drugs thing’, I got in contact with the Gospel of Christ’s Grace and I believed that my mind had no alternative than to respond to what the Word had to say about me; I dropped my medications against my mother’s pleadings and by 2017, I saw myself in a psychiatry talking and doing shit.

So, I have every reason to believe that there is indeed no cures to bipolar disorder or some other mental diseases and like the doctors said, medicine is God’s solution to them.

However Ebuka, I am not writing to tell you about cures to bipolar disorder, I am also not writing to tell you that I have found one and that you should fling your medies into the waste bin. No. I am only writing to share with you how I came out of the other end of the spectrum, having been pushed out of mania with the medications by force. I believe that you know what I mean.

You know that feeling that is opposite to the sweet feeling we felt in the hospital. I am speaking of that phase where you remember how you messed with your own mind and you loathe yourself, that time when you sleep and you don’t wish for the morning to come anymore because the sun in your heart has refused to smile. I mean that period when the thoughts of all you did and said haunts you and you shudder in goose pimples. I speak of that time of your life when you continually think of aborting your existence but you decide to hang on a little more, not because you see any lights at the end of the tunnel, those times when you just recharge your phone with your limited cash to talk with me simply because you feel that I understand. That time you are too embarrassed to face some people because you really are not sure what they think of you. That time when you don’t want to talk much with people because you are afraid of talking nonsense- after all, your shitty expressions of the past cost you your very good job and your beautiful girlfriend. I am talking of that time when you say, “ mehn, this isn’t easy o”, I am speaking of that gloomy blanket of Depression that suffocates.

TC Okenwa, am I scouring your wounded soul too much?

I hope I am because I need it to be clean. 

I have always told you to accept that God loves you no matter what, and that He would clean up your mess by Himself. That was my first point of mental breaking forth. 

However, I want you to think up the worst that happened to you, and accept it as your property. Do not deny it; eat it, swallow it, digest it, assimilate the things you have to and pass out the rest just like you would spicy egusi soup and hot eba. I hope that you know that with your hand you made the balls of eba and dip it into your soup all by yourself, you throw the soup loaded ball into your mouth and swallow it by your own free will but you have no control over digestion and assimilation because they are sure banker. You end up assimilating the nutrients in whatever effing form it chooses to come in. also, when your system is ready to eject the shitty things, it won’t rest until you have done just that.

In the same way TC, accept the things that happened to you as something that had to happen to you and leave the healing for God to do. God is doing something in you through the things that you went through, and the poisons must go away when you are done assimilating leaving you fresh and ‘scarless’.

You must definitely pass it out!

Don’t worry about how it is going to happen, just do your own bit. For me, I had to summon the courage to read all the shits I wrote in those days of mania. I had to allow myself to be in the shoes that I was in when I wrote those things that I don’t want any soul to read now. I had to accept some of the embarrassments I brought upon myself in those days. 

Mr. Bux, I am a person of many words- you already know that, don’t you?

I am glad that you found the courage to read through. I am not going to apologize to you for embarrassing you here; it was highly intended. 

So, please scour your soul of all its shame, eat them and swallow them because in them, you’ll become that man that God wants you to be.
                                                                                         Your person,

                                                                                          Nneoma.          

  

Even the eagle weeps!

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Watch me cry, I’m not ashamed

I am a vanquished victim

Like the eagle I am clad in edgy pieces, 

sackcloth, my sad cloth

For I live on edge, by the very edges of the Mount cliffs
Watch me tear, for in my tears lie my strength.

I tear boundaries 

I break records

I don’t fly

I glide

I soar
My tears flow with ease 

And even my glides with peace.

Loving Pieces!

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“Unreserved; unrestrained

Your Love is wild, Your Love is wild for me.

It isn’t shy; it’s unashamed

Your love is proud, to be seen with me.

To be seen with me.

Cause you don’t give your heart in pieces [no no]

You don’t hide yourself to tease us.

 

Your love’s not fractured; it’s not a troubled mind

It isn’t anxious, it’s not the restless kind.

Your love’s not passive; it’s never disengaged

It’s always present, it hangs on every word you say.

Love keeps its promises

It keeps its word

Honors what’s sacred, cause its vows are good

Your love’s not broken, it’s not insecure

Your love’s not selfish, your love is pure”

               -Excerpt from song ‘Pieces’; Bethel music and Steffany Gretzinger.

Ever since I heard these lines for the first time, my heart hasn’t stopped humming along every day because these words mean more than the world to me.

Ever imagined a man who loves a woman (in his mind) but is not sure if he wants everyone to see them together, for reasons best known to him?

Or what about loving a woman so heart broken and battered at heart, a woman who has had her own share of disappointment in the ‘loving thing’?

I don’t know what you think about being in love with a man who isn’t proud to be seen with you, or a woman who only has a broken heart for you to love; for me, I personally do not want any of those ‘loving kind of things’.

One thing is certain for sure, you cannot enjoy love overdose from any these ‘loving people’- I think that I am hearing myself sound like my own Sophie Dawodu right now, LOL! Just go and see that ‘Shedding Skin’ video on the Christapoet YouTube channel (her lines always have a way of getting into my own pieces, LOL!

I don’t know if you have ever had to resist the temptations of constantly checking on the object of your love or even going as far as deleting their numbers for a while from your phone so you’d stop ‘obsessing’ over them; sometimes it could even be more frustrating especially when you find that your fingers can retrieve the numbers from your head when you are trying to do something ‘meaningful’ with your phone. So, one way or the other, the person will get you, get you…..LOL!

Some other times you might have determined in your heart, to intentionally not pick up your phone at least after one call from them gets missed, so that you can get them to ‘want more of you’ aka miss you, and call you more than they already do- after all, that was what your favorite love doctor recommended for you and all your fellow loving-struck people!

You know, a big part of my mind call those ‘loving stunts’, manipulations! They are selfish because they revolve on one’s own self and not even the so called ‘Beloved’.

Ama tell you two stories now, I hope you are not getting bored already. It is Favouromeje writing, okay? And she hardly knows how to write short because her words are just too many, okay? LOL.

Story 1

Jack and Jill have a thing for each other. I think it is a ‘loving thing’, and I also believe that it is a really strong thing too!

Jill loves Jack’s attention, especially the way he stares at her. Jack is kind to everyone and very particularly tender to Jill. Jack is also yet to say a thing to Jill.

One day, Jill wakes up thinking about Jack and she feels that a call would be all she needed to start a great day. So, she picks up her Nokia device and starts scrolling for Jack’s phone number. Seeing his name on her phone screen, her heart begins to pound really fast. Did I tell you that his voice which was very much richly deeper than a baritone, startles her in a pretty nice way and that the very air of his presence was the oxygen that she wanted more? Hmm!

She almost touches the green button of her Nokia mobile phone before she thinks to herself:

‘No, I called him yesterday evening already, I know he likes me a lot but I shouldn’t be calling him yet again’.

I just have to make him miss me plenty, so that he’d love me more and more. You know, I don’t have to be too cheap and easy to him’, she says dropping her phone for her writing pad to make her day’s to-do list. She promises herself a new pair of chinos pants, should incase she succeeds in pulling out her ‘loving thing no-calling stunts’ after 4 straight weeks. In fact she wrote her ‘loving thing’ project goal on her writing pad and stamped her decision on her journal.

She decides to intentionally miss calls at least once every other time he calls, so that he’d not feel that she Jill was that into him Jack!

Story 2

‘Bae and Boo like no other’, have a big thing for each other. I think it is a loving thing too, and I also must confess that they are both on a very long fine thing. I have been watching them with my pair of binoculars lately!

Bae loves Boo’s attention, especially the way he gets carried away staring her in the eyes. Bae thinks that the gaze from his very pair of eyes were stronger than laser.

Boo on the other hand, is good to all of them brothers and sisters, but speaking of them sisters, Bae is to Boo, his white rose among thorns. She was just it to him. In fact, I have personally noticed it myself because I am his sister too. ‘Bae and Boo like no other’ are loving strong but Boo is yet to spell it to Bae, and I think Bae is waiting too! Bae doesn’t mind waiting-loving for a thousand years because she likes her ‘loving things ‘slow, steady, non-intense, and building up like a crescendo.

One day, Bae thinks of Boo and decides to give him a call; if not for anything, she loves the startling effect of his better-than-a rich-baritone’s ‘hello’ over the phone.

So, she picks up her phone. I think it is also a Nokia mobile device like Jill’s. She does not have to scroll for his number for too long because ‘shamefully’, it is the very last number she dialed the night before. Bae knows that Boo would always be her favorite person in the whole world, and she in fact admits to herself that he is her most basic obsession, at least lately. In fact, I can personally tell you that Bae could run her airtime shamelessly for more than 30 minutes calling ‘MAN’ and this man is Boo!

Bae almost touches her Nokia green button but she refrains and says to herself:

I am a basic and a major distraction to this man and I don’t think that this is very good for him. I need to do him a favor and let him to just be, so that he can at least have enough time to be useful to himself’

‘Besides, I know that I am who he needs but this can never be good for him, at least not for his ‘male-getting-happiness from-a good hunting’ mind’. This she says out loud, dropping her phone for her writing pad. She needs to make her to-do list which she couldn’t

write the night before as she ritually did.

You might want to count and compare the number of ‘I’ and ‘Me’ or ‘he’ and ‘him’ in Jill’s and Bae’s musings. You might find out who was ‘loving selfish’ and who actually was loving. Love can never revolve around the subject but the object and that is just Jesus loves.

I think that Bae is a little more like my Abba Daddy than Jill.

Abba Daddy is too love secure to manipulate me by teasing me with his presence. He doesn’t have to manipulate me with punishments or fear of hell in order to get me on His side. He loves so wild, so unreserved, so unrestrained and I know that He loves me pieces without any heart in pieces. He is not using His death on the cross to play any mind games on me like many people might want to think that he does. His ‘Loving thing’ is whole and complete, actively loving me and engaged daily with His commitment to me, His commitment to come back for me.

It is the knowledge of my ‘Crazy in love-with me- Father’ that gives me the boldness to pour my love on anybody I want to, even if he has to be ‘MAN’ because I know that my Abba Daddy’s love has made me too invincible to be insecure and broken!

By Favouromeje, February, 2017.

on 29th January, 2017!

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You know today, I have decided to be thankful. I have decided to draw up joy from the Spirit because, if you ask me, I’d say that I am not happy.

So, even though I may not be happy, my fountain of joy never runs dry. Therefore, I am content even in my unhappiness. If I know nothing, I know very well that His faithfulness makes my faith full, or better still, His faithfulness, teaches me to be full of faith!

Listen, I know that it’s not very fancy for a girl to say her age on her birthday, but c’mon I know that I am not that much of a fancy person myself. So, I am 23 today, and I can tell you that I am full today too!

You know, these years had come with a number of lessons or two, for which I am both full and content:

  • I have learned to not accept that half bread is better than none, just as I have learned to prefer the utopian city in my head to the ‘real’ world.
  • I have learned that the true ‘me’ loves to break all the rules in the real world, and stick with all the ones I make in my ideal world. And if you ask me why, I’d tell you that it’s simply for the same reason why I prefer the ideal gas law to the real gas laws, and also for the same reason why I don’t like to pamper hair weaves and extensions as though they were my hair. So translation, ‘real world’ rules are very uninteresting, and do not feel right!
  • I have learned to love and be loved!
  • I have learned to feel free to stick with my opinions, and also not shove it down anyone’s throat, until I find a more logical and better one to replace them with or modify them with. And if not, I just hang on to them faithfully and gracefully.
  • I have learned to enjoy the love and friendship of people who have even weirder and stronger opinions than myself, because I know that deep down, I prefer them to people who blend in way too much. You know, I love the fact that they are both fun and annoying to be with, just like myself!
  • I have learned that there is only one definition for ‘Love’ in the universe. Love is God, and God is Love period! And greater love has no man than this that a man lays down his life for his friend, and love is a decision. Therefore, I can love some persons without them giving me butterflies in my stomach, and another person could effortlessly make my heart to skip a beat yet I may not even be willing to love him even with all the chemistry and all. Love is a self-slaying substance and not a feeling, and there is nothing any devil can do to my mind to change my ‘Love’ perspectives.
  • I have learned that it is Love to accept a compliment wholeheartedly, especially when I know that it’s not some flattery!
  • I have learned that ‘Love’ is a language, therefore I have decided to overlook my friends when they are being selfish especially to my own detriment, just the very same way that I cannot throw away a baby who only knows how to coo. Translation, they are like that because they can’t yet help it!
  • I have learned to always be the first to love that my favorite slight and fair girl who I see in the mirror every day. Translation I must always accept her, not beat her for her mistakes, and also be her No 1 fan.
  • I have learned that God is called omnipotent because He has infinite ways of saving ‘oh damsel me in distress’!
  • I have learned that even though my environment could warp my mind, Father knows how to make my warped mind even more beautiful to behold and access with time.
  • I have learned that regret is the only thinking that people who act and speak before thinking, get to ever think.
  • I have learned that marriage is beautiful but it’s not compulsory, and in case one is 95 when she decides to walk into it, then it is completely fine because if you ask me, there is nothing like a late marriage- I don’t really know about you.
  • I have learned how to summon Coco Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Versace, Bulgaria, Deola Sagoe, Sophie Kinsella, Francine Rivers, Shakespeare, at very different times for some healthy arm wrestles. And I have learned how to mock wrestle with them differently until I begin to teach them one after the other who the real Mohammed Ali, and Rubin Hurricane Carter of the game actually is in real life!
  • I have learned that even though love is giving, when it comes to a man and a woman, receiving is equally loving. You might like to confirm with any of my feminist sisters or even any frigid woman who might be willing to tell you.
  • I have learned how to smile when I am embarrassed, cry later when I am alone, and laugh much later because I learned a lesson.
  • I have learned to enjoy both the ‘me’ times and the ‘us’ times very much!
  • I have learned that Yahweh loves me much more than I love myself, and I always remind my mind that whenever I feel ashamed, humiliated, embarrassed, all alone, afraid, you name it!
  • I have learned that even though blood is thicker than water, the Spirit is chunkier than blood!
  • I have learned not to beat myself because, my mistakes are really not mine!
  • I have learned not to be afraid of being too vulnerable, because I know that I always feel a deep sense of courage and boldness in my vulnerability!
  • I have learned to cry until I can’t cry anymore, then I get to sleep, and finally get to write in my journal when I wake up because I always end up better and not bitter.
  • I have learned that in listening, I get to enjoy the finer things of life!
  • I have learned that this is not a man’s world and the girls do not run it too. And if there is any boss at all, then I think that Lucifer, the only god of the world is. Nevertheless, I have learned how to plant my feet on his head until I crush him with my favorite ankle boot because I am the Beloved of the only God of the heavens and the earth!
  • I have learned that Hitler, Shekau, and Bin Laden, have people who would love to catch a grenade for them over and over again, just in case you think you don’t like them. And in the same way, if you think you love God because you feel that He is good, then you might want to ask Lucifer what he thinks. I just hope you get my drift!
  • I have learned that it takes the detached defiant clarion call of feminism to make the love starved chauvinism to see the stark difference between the ‘love-giving by receiving’ femininity and the insecure love-seeking traditionalism.

I am 23 today, and I am glad that I have the Spirit of my Father forever inside of me!

the Ultimate Love Language 1!

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Each Word a Gift!

‘In a fast paced world’…, Etisalat advert would say.

With my fast paced mouth I’d rather say, I could have a pretty hard time keeping up with my ‘Word Processing Center’!

Sometime last October, I learned more than a handful from one of my precious moments of solitude, I’d tell you about it.

I have this major favorite guy, it’s supposed to be a secret but please don’t get this twisted. Alright? Thanks!

One day before I hibernated in myself, aka solitude, I gave him this cool compliment over the phone, I am so not telling no one what I said to him. And you mustn’t get this twisted too. It could be an everyday compliment, okay? Needless to say, the compliment was a lil bit flirtatious, I must confess! That wasn’t the plan I swear, but the compliment leaked anyways!

Nevertheless, he didn’t let a drop of the compliment to sink into his heart; he is one of those rare species- trust me!

So, how did I know that he didn’t accept the compliment then?

Well, Favouromeje has a knack for picking up every kind of vibes, even the ones sent wordlessly and wirelessly through a phone- trust me!

This guy’s cold shoulder treatment towards my ‘innocent flirty’ compliment gave me some cuds to chew, and I learned a bundle of truth by the time I was done ruminating!

Ephesians 4: 29:

“Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth; say only what helps, each word a gift” (MSG)

“Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it” (AMP).

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (NIV)

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (ESV).

“You must not let such a word that depletes the spiritual state, and gives the mind more renewal assignment to do, to come out your mouth, but only that which is a needful and wholesome diet, nourishing to the soul; no junks added, and is able to improve, renew, better the mind, bring about Spirit ascendancy over human mind, and of course is able to impact God’s unmerited favor on any one who is fortunate to hear you speak to them” (Favouromeje).

So while my mouth is blabbing, I must be sure that it is blabbing at the right time, giving good spiritual nourishment, no mind corrupting junks, no soul barricading cholesterol, making people better, and having basically the Grace and Gospel of God as an underlying major theme.

I wonder how I can prepare such a Word Diet in this fast paced world, with my really fast paced mouth!

Well, I am doing that now (winks)!

BY Favouromeje, 2016.